Everything

Its funny how just a week ago I hated you. How, in my mind, you were to blame for our short comings, for my pain, for my feelings of abandonment and betrayal, but it wasn't. You looked towards the future. Towards new beginnings and new meanings and new I love yous while i stayed in the pass. Looking back on it i remember how i used to tell myself "Just one more night and I'll be ready to walk away." But that night never came, and i kept waiting, one night turned into one week, then one month, then one year... Four years its been now, and though I have met new people, dated new girls, my heart and soul was always yours and for what. In my mind you were perfect, what we had people would make movies out of but it wouldn't matter, cause nothing could suffice to what we had. In reality it was a little above sub par at most. We only ever had one defining moment. In my mind every moment was special. Its funny how what is and what you see its completely different in every aspect.

When I saw my future, I always saw you and I would go blind before i dare to see my future without you, but now I dare to look. I see where I want to be and its the same, the only difference is you aren't by my side.... Is that so bad?

I'm done searching for the life we had before...

Cataract

I went to a party this weekend. Someone mentioned you and I looked at the beer in my hand, chugged the last 3/4ths of it and moved on to the alcohol. I didnt think about you for the rest of the night. I didnt think about how you only talked to me when you needed something. I didnt think about how you only hung out with me when you wanted something. I didnt think about how you used me to keep him off your mind only to run back to him shortly after. He treated you worse than dirt, he ignored you when you needed him, he pretended nothing was wrong when the foundation of your world was crumbling around you. He hit you, physically harmed you, not once, but multiple times. Yet you went back to him.

I told you how i felt about you, you didnt care, you manipulated those feelings, the trust we established as if they meant nothing. I hope you get what you want. I hope you were right when you said he will never hit you again. I hope you get everything you could ever want in life. I honestly do... But if you don't dont come running to me about it. My back is turned, for everything we had, the memories, the laughter, the tears, the moments, they are dead to me. They are irredeemable and buried in a dormant place inside of me where i will never go again.

Though as a final thought, I do owe you a final thanks. It was through your selfishness, your awareness of only yourself, and your manipulative ways that i have learned. learned to care only for myself. To put everyone behind me and to march on. And when you realize you need me and how good i was, I wont need you in my life because my future is so bright.